I have what I've always longed for, I have my van, Little Blue is my dream come true and I am certainly feeling the freedom but do I regret waiting wait so long?
I consider myself a well travelled individual, having:
worked with Raleigh International in Zimbabwe.
ticked off South East Asia, including of course the obligatory Full Moon Party.
backpacked the whole of Turkey.
hitch hiked and bussed my way around Morocco...not for the faint hearted, that's the busses not the country.
travelled the majority of Europe.
ticked off Scandinavia, Denmark, Sweden and Norway
hiked the Swiss Alps - extensively!
skied, canoed, surfed, caved, climbed...and so much more!
...I don't think my younger self did at all bad!
For me, the desire to travel, find adventure and explore has been a constant and consequently, I've always had itchy feet. I feel really very lucky to have done what I have but there has always been the sense, niggling away in the back of my mind that there is so much more out there to discover.
There will never be enough time in life to do everything your heart desires and we all have choices to make. I chose to have a family and that was the single most important decision of my life.
Bringing three new souls into this world to experience what they experience and choose their own path on life's journey has truly been a privilege and an absolute joy. No one professes that raising children is easy and I know it's been said before but I'm saying it again...it really IS the hardest job in the world.
Those three little people relied on me, us as parents, to guide them into adulthood, safely navigating and supporting them through all the inevitable pitfalls along the way. It's an incredible responsibility, parenthood but alongside the tears, frustration, confusion, worry...the list goes on, there is also so much joy, laughter and love to be had and we've had lots of it all, the rough and the smooth.
If I'd had my way and this is where Chris and I differ...greatly, I would have bought a van when the children were very young, bundled all three of them into it and gone adventuring together for a year (at least). Having been in education for years I truly believe that there was nothing they learnt at school, in those early years, that I couldn't have taught them on the road. I often wonder how that would have felt, the freedom, the togetherness, sharing experiences. These thoughts usually becoming prevalent when I was dragged in to face paint at the school fair, or running the manic local Beaver group, or fashioning costumes for school plays out of thin air, or when faced with the hideousness of overly competitive parents...of which there are many!
So I suppose the first question is...if I had my time over again, knowing what I know now, would I have bought a van all those years ago and lived, for a year, on the road with my children?
Easy answer...Yes ABSOLUTELY.
Second question...Do I regret not buying a van all those years ago and living, for a year, on the road with my children?
Answer is...NO.
Why? Because I honestly believe you should never look back, or indeed move forwards, with regrets. What has happened has happened and no amount of regret can EVER change that. Chris and I have three incredible, well balanced children, full of spirit and adventure, fun and love, all of which is as a consequence of what we, as parents, have already done and I am thankful for the young adults they have become. So, here's my point, would things have turned out as well if we had done things differently?...who knows!
What I do know is that I am enormously proud of the people that all three of our children have become. As I said before, it's not always been easy and as a parent you question your decisions at almost every turn. No one is perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect parent, we all do the best we can and make decisions based on what we feel is right at the time. All we hope and wish for now is that the three of them find true and complete happiness on whatever life path they choose and that they too learn to live their lives with no regrets.
My message for today is... DON'T LOOK BACK WITH REGRETS, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE AND CANNOT BE UNDONE. MOVE ON, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE RATHER THAN WASTING TIME CONSIDERING THE WHAT IFS.
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